Why We Keep Over-Explaining Ourselves Online

There’s a particular kind of silence that happens after you send a long message.

Not the good kind.

The kind where you start replaying every sentence in your head. I’ve noticed this pattern especially when people send videos—screen recordings, voice notes, long explanations—trying to clarify something emotional or personal. The file is heavy, the message is dense, and the intention is sincere. But somehow, it still feels like too much.

We don’t talk enough about how often over-explaining is a response to uncertainty, not clarity.

In technical work, especially with video files, there’s a simple rule: more data doesn’t equal more usefulness.

A raw video might capture everything, but it’s rarely what someone actually wants to consume. That’s why people compress, trim, and simplify. They’re not losing meaning—they’re shaping it.

I’ve started to see the same thing happen in communication.

When people aren’t sure how they’re being perceived, they add context. Then more context. Then examples. Then apologies for the examples.

The message grows heavier, but the signal doesn’t.

What makes this tricky is that emotional compression feels risky.

Cut too much, and you fear being misunderstood.

Leave everything in, and you risk overwhelming the other person. I’ve watched friends send five-minute videos explaining why they’re “not usually like this.” The video is sincere, but the length itself becomes part of the problem.

It reminds me of the first time I ran a large file through a free video compressor—not because I wanted to lose quality, but because I wanted the message to arrive.

Communication works the same way.

This pattern shows up clearly in dating.

People often say they want someone “easy to talk to,” but their behavior suggests something else. They send long explanations early. They clarify boundaries before anyone asked. They justify preferences preemptively.

When I once experimented with a dating standards calculator tool, what stood out wasn’t the numbers—it was how many assumptions I had already been acting on without realizing it.

Over-explaining is often a symptom of unspoken standards colliding.

Cutting content—whether in video or conversation—forces you to decide what actually matters.

That decision feels exposed.

It’s safer to send everything and let the other person sort it out. But that’s outsourcing clarity.

Compression, when done intentionally, is a form of respect. It says: I thought about what you actually need to receive.

And that applies far beyond files.